Everything Comes With A Price. - A self-help topic.

INTRODUCTION:

Greetings. I apologize for missing my post last week. I was in the middle of traveling, and time wasn't on my side. Now that the presidential election is over and many requested topics have eased up, I can return to some of the other requests I've received. Before I begin, I wish everyone a safe, healthy, and Happy Thanksgiving.

Yes, the holiday season is upon us. It is a happy time for most but a sad time for some. This week's topic is a self-help topic. Self-help topics are topics that people can read that hopefully will give them some insight into things they may be experiencing and offer a different perspective on things they may be experiencing in their lives. I have learned much about happiness and sadness through research, life experiences, and my prior career path. That is the price I paid for the work I did in my adult years. Therefore, I have had many enjoyable holidays and some sad ones. We must take the good with the bad. That is the way life works.

In this post, I hope to help you understand why everything in life comes with a price and that everything we do has consequences. Sounds terrible. Not so much. The good news is we have control over both. Let's begin.

CONSEQUENCES:

First, there are no set rules. However, there is common sense. Newton's Third Law of Motion states, "that when one object exerts a force on another object (an action), the second object exerts an equal and opposite force back on the first object (a reaction)." (Reference) This is not only true in physics. This is also true in life. How you act towards someone will determine their reaction. Often, it is one you were not expecting.

In life, there are many things we cannot control. However, there are also many things we can control, for example. We cannot control others, but we can control ourselves. Therefore, doesn't it make sense that if we do not want a specific reaction, we should not take an action that will cause the undesired reaction? Remember, everything comes with a price. Nothing is free. Our actions can cause happiness, sadness, or anger. In most cases, people know what the reaction to what they do will be. That said, if you are willing to accept the reaction, you must be willing to pay the price and face the consequences that come with it. Actions encompass many things, including words. Once you say it, you can't take it back. In general, most people will not forget. They may accept it but will not forget it.

Sadly, this happens when people argue, and anger takes over the situation. Once rage takes over, things are said that are not meant, and actions are taken that may not be meant. The best way to avoid conflict is to prevent it by not causing it. Easier said than done. It took me years to learn how to control my feelings and emotions to avoid these types of conflict. I was a stubborn Italian. If I could learn to control mine, anyone can. It just takes desire, practice, and understanding. Often, when I've spoken at an event, I have been asked, "Can people be too nice to people?"

The fact is, the answer is yes. It is not wrong to be too nice to others. The problem is that those in our society with personalities that cause them not to appreciate kindness. They may take it as a sign of weakness and take advantage of it, or take others or your kindness for granted. This results in a lack of appreciation, which frequently hurts others. The human species is such that we all require gratification. We want to be appreciated. That said, appreciation comes in many forms. It is our responsibility to understand others since everyone shows their gratitude differently, and some, sadly, do not at all.

People are judged by their actions, words, and deeds. It's easy for many to say what and who they are, and words are excellent, especially if they are the words you wish to hear. However, when words are not followed up with actions, they become just words with no meaning. We have been there. We all have started new relationships. The hours spent talking on the phone about what we like, who we are, how we feel about things, and things begin to progress. Things are great for a while. Some longer than others.

What changes? Life changes, relationships evolve, but the core problem is always the same. In the beginning, some people were not honest. They can only put up that front for so long before they revert to what they are. So what happened to the words? Over time, they were not followed up by actions. Honesty and trust are the core of every relationship. In my book "Making Partnership Choices," I discuss this in greater detail. However, in that book, I made two profound quotes.

"Relationships don't end. People end them."
"Love doesn't die. People kill it."

This happens due to a lack of communication, honesty, and trust. We all have what we call deal breakers. For me, I have two. Never cause me to mistrust you, and never lie to me. If either of those occur, I'm done. You may be able to forgive, but trust rarely comes back. When someone lies, you will always question whether what they tell you is true.

For many, these are core values—the basics. Most things in life are built around your core values. These are the values you hold most dear. They represent who and what you are. I've heard so many say I don't want expectations. WAKE UP CALL. Every relationship comes with expectations. The funny part is that most people who do not wish expectations are the ones who expect the most. Therefore, everything has consequences, and everything comes with a price.

My father used to say, "If you don't want to do it for the rest of your life, don't start doing it." Once you do, it becomes expected, and when you stop, it affects your partner. The same applies to work. You are expected to continue when you go to work each day and give 100%. If you stop continually, it changes the dynamics. Frequently, it can result in losing your job.

This is paramount because you must know who and what you are and present yourself that way. If you ever sit in a marriage counselor's office, the biggest complaint you hear is, "YOU'VE CHANGED." As stated earlier, relationships evolve and relationships change, but your core values should never change. Isn't it cute to see an older couple walking down the street holding hands? Well, they probably started holding hands when they started dating, and that never changed.

Another tip is never to take what someone else has done to hurt you into your future. Yes, be cautious and look for the right signs, but never judge anyone new based on someone from your past. You are not being fair to them or yourself. No one is perfect. We all have faults. It would help if you decided whether or not those faults are acceptable because most people cannot change for the long haul. I say most because some may be able to. It all depends on what the fault is.

UNDERSTANDING:

Understanding is a keyword. To know people, you must be able to understand them. That takes time, practice, patience, and a conscious effort to understand what makes people tick. How often have you heard the phrase, "Don't push my buttons?" I bet you'd like a dollar every time someone says that. However, it is true. Everyone has a limit. Everyone has a point that they reach where all bets are off. Therefore, why would anyone push someone to that point?

In the real world, some people do this deliberately because they like to cause trouble. You can't completely control that. However, you do have some degree of control. Do not let them get to you, 'push your buttons,' and induce your anger. When you do this, you are serving two purposes. First, you take away their satisfaction, and second, you avoid conflict and any consequences that would have resulted. Therefore, you control the situation, but most importantly, you control yourself. Now, I am no goody two shoes, and there are exceptions to every rule. Sometimes, conflict cannot be avoided for various reasons, but these should be the exceptions, not the rule.

Whether you choose to address any conflict is your choice. Remember, when you accept the conflict, you accept the consequences and the price you must pay for your actions. For the record, these concepts apply to every aspect of your life—work, family, relationships, etc. One example I can use is the election this year. How many friendships were strained or lost, or how many family arguments were over candidates? Now, how ridiculous is that? Arguing over strangers, and they are strangers. I have friends who still have not spoken since the 2016 election cycle.

Does that even make sense to you? Is it worth it? The ability to understand people and how they think is a complex process. Sometimes, people need to vent and do not seek your opinion. Know the difference. Save the argument, and don't offer an unsolicited opinion. If someone seeks your opinion, they will usually ask for it.

If a friend or family member needs someone to talk to and they contact me, my FIRST job is to listen. Once the story is told, they may ask, "What do you think?" That can be a slippery slope. We must understand the first rule of stories.

There is one side to the story, the other, and the truth is somewhere in the middle. Another point worth mentioning is that no matter which side you are listening to, that side always sounds as if they are right. People always tell their stories in a way that makes them sound like they are correct and the other person is incorrect. Therefore, you mustn't be biased towards one person or the other until you hear both sides of the story.

This is especially true in relationship issues. I have seen many friendships lost when a third party sides with another person before knowing the whole story—people who have been lifetime friends. It is human nature for us to want to be right. But not everyone can be right, and indeed, not all the time. Compromise is the keyword here.

YOUR OPINION:

Giving your opinion is dangerous. What is more dangerous is when you agree with one person, talk to the other, and agree with them. If your opinion is asked, it is usually being asked because the person values your opinion or is looking for someone to side with them. Being honest is your responsibility to your friend or family member. Even if your opinion is unpopular, it will have some early fallout, but it will eventually be appreciated.

Do not make the mistake of giving your opinion based on your emotions. Know the facts. More importantly, know when and when not to give an opinion. NEVER give advice or an opinion on a matter you don't know anything about.

We live in a world driven by diverse perspectives and discussions. The ability to express your opinion effectively is crucial. In casual conversations, professional environments, or online platforms, articulating your thoughts can significantly impact personal relationships and broader societal discourse.

It used to be more prevalent that when individuals share their opinions, it encourages open communication. This exchange of ideas is essential for personal growth and enhances understanding among people with different viewpoints. Healthy dialogue can lead to deeper relationships and a more inclusive environment where everyone feels valued. In today's social environment, that is not necessarily true.

Clarity is critical when expressing your opinion. Avoid jargon or complex vocabulary that may confuse who you are speaking with. Talk to the issue, not around it. Clearly articulating your thoughts helps prevent misunderstandings and gives your opinion a higher chance of being taken seriously.

Strengthening your opinion with facts, statistics, or personal experience always helps. When people see reliable sources or significant personal experiences back your opinion, they are more likely to listen to your thoughts. Always remember that there can be downfalls. While sharing your opinion can help others, it also risks backlash. Not everyone or the person you are trying to help may agree with your opinion. This can lead to conflict or adverse reactions. It's essential to be prepared for criticism and be willing to engage in constructive discussions, even when challenged. There is an old saying. "Opinions are like rear ends; everyone has one." My father used to say, " If you want my opinion, I will give it to you. But don't criticize me if you do not like it. You always have the opinion to do what you want."

The key is NOT to tell people what you think they want to hear but to be honest. Even if it initially hurts them. The hardest thing to do when giving an opinion is to be honest. Primarily because you never know what the reaction will be. During my training as a Paramedic and when I wrote my book "Making Partnership Choices," I attended hundreds of hours of training in viewing counseling sessions. Again, with all rules come exceptions. For example, counseling someone who is a victim of domestic violence is different than counseling two people having marital or relationship problems. However, counselors rarely choose a side. They try to get to the root of the problem. In couples counseling, the counselor attempts to make one party see the other party's point. Find a compromise, and move forward. The goal is to get people to listen to and understand each other's viewpoints.

This is because when relationships start to go south, both parties, to some degree, usually share the responsibility. However, one will always blame the other. Therefore, you MUST exercise caution when giving advice or your opinion. You can quickly become part of the problem rather than the solution. Do not confuse this with trying to console someone after a breakup. These are two entirely different circumstances.

I have had friends that I was friends with before they met before they were married, then were going through a divorce. I NEVER chose a side and made it clear I would not. I would always be there to listen but not offer advice or opinions. Should you decide to do so, it is your choice. Remembering that everything comes with a price, if the advice or opinion you provide to one side or the other backfires, it is now looked upon as your fault and friendships cold be lost. Sometimes, you must know to tell someone that they need to seek professional advice.

We are not discussing helping someone decide what dress or suit to wear to a party. We are discussing more severe issues—the human mind is vulnerable when confused. Sometimes, it may only hear what it wants to satisfy the need and block out the rest. Individuals can experience emotional instability characterized by rapid mood swings, anxiety, and irritability. This instability can lead to impulsive decisions and strained relationships. Factors such as hormonal changes, lifestyle choices, and genetic predisposition can all contribute to emotional vulnerability.

Fear and anxiety can significantly impact decision-making processes and daily functioning. The fear of failure, fear of the unknown, and social anxiety can limit personal and professional growth. Anxiety disorders affect millions worldwide, often hindering individuals from engaging in routine activities, pursuing opportunities, or understanding what is going on around them.

We are only human. Humans are social beings, often swayed by the opinions and behaviors of others. This can lead to conformity, where individuals abandon their beliefs or decisions to align with group norms. Social pressure can encourage compliance, even in situations where individuals might otherwise disagree or feel uncomfortable. Therefore, sometimes being a true friend means knowing when not to open your mouth. Mental health professionals can provide therapy and support for individuals grappling with psychological vulnerabilities. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can help individuals reframe negative thought patterns and develop coping strategies.

IN CLOSING:

Everything comes with a price. From election campaigns to whatever we do in life. No matter what we do or our choices, there is a price to pay. Sometimes it is good, but other times it is not so good. This can often be avoided through rational thinking, accepting things for what they are, and understanding others. You can love someone, but you cannot make them love you. No matter what you do or how hard you try. This is the fun part of the dating process—learning, exploring, talking, and getting to know one another. But that only works with honesty and trust. BE WHO YOU ARE. NOT WHO YOU ARE NOT!

Knowing the risks helps you to cope with the consequences. The interesting part about consequences is that we do not have to like them, but we must be able to accept them and move on. We must also learn what risks we should not take and when it is better to walk away from them. We live in a world filled with uncertainties, and understanding the risks associated with our decisions is crucial for personal and collective success. Whether you are a business leader, an investor, a traveler, or an individual making choices about health and well-being, recognizing and mitigating risks forms the cornerstone of informed decision-making. At its core, risk refers to the possibility of loss, harm, or adverse consequences resulting from a particular action or inaction. Understanding these risks is critical for survival and leading a happy and fulfilling life.

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Please feel free to leave comments, or if you have a topic you would like me to discuss, you can email me at crondina@caesarrondinaauthor.com. As always, I accept guest blog posts. If you want to write about a topic, email your finished draft in Word format to crondina@caesarrondinaauthor.com. I will review it and contact you. Thank you.

Be safe, stay well, and focus on being happy. And remember to always: